It’s never what happens to you that counts; it’s how you react to it. You can choose to flee, fight, or freeze. Whatever life hits you with, you’re either running away because you’re not ready for it, frozen by fear because you don’t know what to do, or you move toward it because you are ready for the fight. It all depends on your emotional fitness. It depends on how prepared you are to tackle the things that life throws at you.

Most men let their emotions dictate their reactions. They make mistakes, then later regret their actions and beat themselves up for it. They live with guilt and shame because they didn’t have the emotional fitness to process those emotions. How do you stop reacting to your emotions? How do you find a framework not to let your emotions run your life? 

The word “Emotion” derives from the Latin phrase that means Energy in Motion. Every time you react to your emotions, you are transferring that energy to someone or something. When you’re reacting to life, you’re transferring your emotions. Most people do this unconsciously. Their reaction affects other people.

When you use how to use your energy and your emotions, you create a powerful framework that allows you to be more conscious about your emotions and more productive as opposed to reactive. We’ve been conditioned to believe that men who are in touch with their emotions are weak. I believe that weakness is when you let your emotions control you. 

You have to learn to process your emotions, not make them wrong. You’re going to get triggered by life, but how you react to it is what matters.

Here is the framework I use to process my emotions

1- Don’t ignore your emotions; feel them.

Most men want to ignore their emotions and sweep them under the rug. They don’t want to feel them. We’ve been conditioned to deflect, manage, or ignore them. When you do this, it leads to a pattern of arguing with reality. You’re banging your head against the wall hoping and wishing things would change instead of accepting reality. When you feel your emotions and acknowledge them, you don't make them wrong. You can see your reality for what it is. It’s not good or bad, it just is. Learn to love what is instead of arguing with it. Once you feel your emotions, you can do something about your situation. If you continue to mask and ignore your emotions, they will eventually come back stronger. 

2- Find the reasons why you may be feeling this way. 

Why do you react the way that you do? Why do you feel this way? Why do you feel the anger, guilt, sadness, etc.? Most of the time your mind wants to blame others. Instead, find the core trigger that is creating that emotion. Look inside yourself. Don’t just take the first thought that comes to mind; dig deeper and see what shows up. That takes courage and mastery. It takes courage to own your situation. No one can manipulate you to feel a certain way, you have to own it. You have to become one with those emotions and see what’s the trigger.

3- Ask yourself, what is the gift from experiencing this now?

Can you use that feeling for good instead of sabotaging yourself? When you focus on the gift, you will find the reason why you are supposed to feel this way. Arguing with reality means you aren’t supposed to experience this. Finding the gift means using the curse of negative emotions to see what you can do with it. The curse of negative emotions is that we can come up with a thousand reasons why we shouldn’t be feeling this way. The curse of negative emotions is becoming a victim of your circumstances instead of claiming your circumstances and doing something about it. Interrupt the pattern by going in the opposite direction and stop arguing with reality. Your mind wants to take you to blame. Your mind wants you to be the victim of your circumstances. Instead, you have to find the gift. In finding the gift, you reframe your entire thought process.

4- Find the pattern and connect the dots.

Every time you argue with reality, you create a pattern. Most emotions are predictable. Most of the time, if you’re pissed about something, it’ll show up again and again. Find the pattern and see how to connect the dots. When you find the trigger and recognize the pattern, you can anticipate when you might fall into reactive mode. That’s the process of having emotional fitness: Anticipate the pattern and avoid burning shit to the ground. Learn how to avoid falling into the same trap.

Becoming a master means being committed to self-awareness. You have the power to create your energy. You have the power to control your reactions. You have the power to choose whether you will freeze, flee, or fight. If you let your emotions control you, then you’re weak. You have the power to put your energy into motion. Find the gift of the pain in any situation, and don’t let your pain become someone else’s pain. If you’re upset, then your family’s going to be upset. If you’re triggered, then your team will be triggered. You have the power to use this framework and process emotions in a way that will help you as opposed to sabotaging your life.

This is what emotional fitness is all about: awareness gives you the tools to create your own reality instead of arguing with it. That’s what leaders do. Leaders don’t react to life, we create life. We don’t become victims of our circumstances, we are the creators of our destiny. If you continue to react to life, you’re always going to lose. It doesn’t matter how much you want things to change, or how many times you have positive thoughts and affirmations, if you continue to react to life, you’re going to lose. 

When you feel triggered, write down these 4 questions:

1- Feel it by asking WHAT

2- Find the trigger WHY

3- Find the gift HOW

4- Find the pattern

Most men are reacting to life. Most men don’t know how to process their emotions. Because of that, they are constantly playing the victim. They blame other people for their problems. If you want to win in life, you have to build your emotional fitness. You can’t afford to be reactive. You can’t afford to let other people dictate your energy. You have to be the one in control of your framework and process it every time. As a leader, it’s your responsibility to dictate the tempo in your business, your family, and in your life. If you’re always reacting and becoming too emotional, the people around you are going to react to your emotions. But if you become stoic and understand that whatever happens in your life is building you, shaping you, and molding you, you won’t be frozen in fear or run away, but you will face the storm. 

How do you react when things don’t go your way? Who are you blaming when your business is not profitable, when people betray you, or when things don’t go your way? Are you blaming people? Are you reacting, or are you taking ownership and processing those feelings? 

You can turn every one of those emotions into fuel. Every emotion serves you. Anger or fear can serve you if you process that feeling and turn it into something productive. Don’t react to life, make sure that you go into the battlefield prepared. Emotional fitness is knowing how to lift those weights of life. Not just having awareness that the weights are there, but to own the situation and adapt, adjust, and execute. That’s what leaders do: we figure shit out. If things don't go our way, we find a way. If things don’t happen the way we want them to, we find out how we can become better. We take responsibility and level the fuck up.

The other option is to become a victim of your circumstances. When you stop reacting, you can become productive. A man who is productive is a man with purpose. And a man who has a purpose is a man who has courage. A man who has courage is unstoppable. Learn how to process your emotions. Life is always going to give you exactly what you need to level the fuck up and lead in every area of your life. Can you take that energy and focus it in a way that will help you instead of hinder you? Everything that’s happening right now is shaping and molding you, as long as you know that you have the power to reframe everything and turn it into positive energy.

For more insights and to connect with Raul Villacis, check out his Youtube channel and other social media platforms.

"Learn it, live it, love life." - Raul Villacis

If you're a business owner looking to find a breakthrough in life and business, click here to apply for The EDGE 100 Challenge here.