4 steps to have difficult conversations

4 steps to have difficult conversations

October 18, 20245 min read

The key to success is relationships. If you don’t master relationships, you’re never going to win in life. It takes time and energy to build a solid foundation for a relationship. Most people are focusing on a transactional relationship: they want something and they give something back. But building relationships takes time, energy, and intention. 


People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. That’s the foundation of any relationship: you have to give a shit. If you don’t, people won’t give a shit about you. If you’re only in a relationship because you want something out of it, that relationship will eventually end. Whether it’s a business relationship or a romantic relationship, any relationship has to be a give and take. But if you only focus on taking, you won’t have good relationships.


Those who care about you the most also know how to hurt you the most. We’ve all had people who were your best friends until they became your enemies. But you weren’t actually in a good relationship with them, you were in a transactional relationship. When you truly have a relationship, you want people around you to grow. You have to have difficult conversations. This is why many people get stuck in a transactional relationship because they don’t want to have uncomfortable conversations. 


We tend to avoid pain and sweep it under the rug. When somebody says something to you, instead of addressing it, we run away. But it usually creates a bigger mess. The more time you put it off, the more painful it will be. Time will not heal all wounds. You have to address the problem.


4 steps to have difficult conversations


1- Awareness

In order to have a difficult conversation, you have to be aware of the issue that is the problem. Nothing happens unless you shine a light on the problem. When you see the problem you can choose to fix it or leave it. Is this a conversation that is going to serve you? Is this a problem that is worth the effort it will take to fix it? Or maybe it isn’t even worth it to have the conversation. In life, you get what you tolerate. If you tolerate less than a high standard, you have no one to blame but yourself. You can focus on the problem or you can hide from it. But you’re never going to find the solution by hiding from it. When you are aware of the problem, then you can decide if you want to address it or not. 


2- Acknowledgement

The moment you acknowledge the problem, you can begin to find a possible solution. Now you have to acknowledge that it’s something you need to address. Deflecting it or blaming someone else will only make it bigger. Acknowledge that you are the one who has to address the problem. The first step to ending someone’s suffering is to acknowledge their pain. Suffering happens when you don’t acknowledge the pain. When you acknowledge that there’s a problem, then you can decide what to do about it. People want to be seen and heard.


3- Acceptance

Accept the responsibility to be part of the solution. This doesn’t have to be a battle between you and someone else. You can’t tell someone else how to feel. You can only take responsibility for how you feel. When you accept that you are the only one responsible for your feelings, then you can have the conversation and discuss that you are not in alignment with the other person. It’s hard to walk in someone else’s shoes, but you must try to understand other people’s perspectives if you want to have empathy. 


4- Speak your truth

Now is the time to please your case. Stand up for what you want. People will not always agree with you, but they will respect you for speaking your truth. Most men are afraid of being judged. Most people run away from difficult conversations because they don’t want to be criticized. They don’t have the balls to do something about their situation.


Become a master of communication. If you want to have difficult conversations, you have to listen more and talk less. When you start listening, people will tell you how they want to be influenced. But if you’re always telling them what to do, you miss the point that some people just want to be heard.


Give more and expect less. People expect a solution right away instead of taking the time to listen. Acknowledge their feelings without judging them. Unity will come when we realize that we all want the same thing. We want to matter. We want to love. We want to live. That’s what happens when you have difficult conversations: you find a solution by finding what we all want.


Who have you been putting off having a difficult conversation with? What’s the conversation that you're hiding from? What are you tolerating that you shouldn’t? When you stop tolerating a low standard, you are speaking your truth. It doesn’t matter whether or not people like you, what matters is that you are speaking your truth from a place of leadership. You develop leadership skills by having difficult conversations. In the beginning, it will, be difficult and you may run away, but when you listen and empathize more, little by little, people will start seeing that you have the right intention. 


Stop blaming others. Stop expecting people to do what you want them to without being willing to step into the fire and guide them. You can’t push anyone. But you can create the pull needed to get them to change. Who do have to become to influence others to grow? Who do you have to become to get people to trust you and not be afraid of you? If you want to get to the next level, you have to have the courage to have difficult conversations. What are you willing to do to get uncomfortable to be able to grow?

For more insights and to connect with Raul Villacis, check out his Youtube channel and other social media platforms.

"Learn it, live it, love life." - Raul Villacis


If you're a business owner looking to find a breakthrough in life and business, click here to apply for The EDGE 100 Challenge here.


Back to Blog

FIND YOUR EDGE IN 100 DAYS

Unsure where to start? Explore our programs here.