Close the gap between who you are now and who you need to become

Close the gap between who you are now and who you need to become

October 23, 20248 min read

Why are most men dissatisfied with their lives?

Most men are looking at their lives and saying they should be much more successful than they are. The level of stress is at an all-time high. Antidepressant use is at an all-time high. The average person is stressed out. He believes he should be further ahead in life than he is. They beat themselves up when their current reality doesn’t meet their expectations. 

That’s what is happening to most men right now. They feel guilt and shame because their life is not what they thought it would be. That depression keeps them from going to the next level. Guilt and shame are the lowest form of energy. People are sedating their way through life with pills, drugs, alcohol, porn, etc. They sedate themselves and it keeps them from focusing on a solution. 

Most men don't know how to handle the gap. The gap between where they currently are in life vs. where they want to be. For some people, instead of closing the gap by making themselves better, they are expanding the gap. They become a victim of their circumstances instead of taking ownership of their life.

How do you close the gap?

1- Get real about where you are in life.

The first step to closing the gap is acknowledging where you are. There is no upside to being a victim. Own your situation, don’t let it own you. Stop playing the victim. All the upside comes from taking ownership of your situation. 

Use the anger you feel about your situation as fuel. If you sedate your pain, you can’t use it as fuel. If you look at your life and you don’t like it, you should be angry, because you know what to do. Feel the emotion fully. Emotion creates motion. Some men are not angry enough about their situation, so they tolerate less than their standard. 

2- Get clear on where you want to go

Are you clear on what the next level looks like? Don’t make a wish or daydream about what you will do one day. Create your vision. Where do you want to go? What is the next level? When you create a vision, you can visualize the gap. When you have a clear vision, you know how big the gap is. Push yourself but don’t fool yourself. Most men are not satisfied because they have a wish, not a mission. They think one day magically things will work out for them. They’re not putting in the work.


Create a mission that is worth fighting for. A mission that will allow you to push yourself to the next level. If you have a wish, that’s not a mission. You’ll end up praying and meditating and making vision boards and never taking action. You can’t pray your way to wealth.

3- Get honest about your capacity to get there

Some men are lying to themselves about their capacity. They tell themselves they already have the EDGE. If you know what to do, then why aren’t you doing it? If you know what you have to do, why are you drifting through life? When you are honest about your capacity, you have awareness; self-awareness is key to growth.

I invest in coaching and mentoring because I want to be aware if I am lying to myself. Can someone else see what I am not seeing? When you have self-awareness, then you can see what your strengths and weaknesses are. In the Art of War, you must know your strengths and weaknesses. If you only focus on your strengths and don’t see your weaknesses, you will lose. Knowing what area you need to improve will help you close the gap. Where do you need to invest? What do you need to work on? Is it your mindset? Is it skills? Is it attracting people to your cause? Unless you’re willing to look at your weaknesses and close the gap, you’re fooling yourself. Sometimes, you have to get someone else to tell you the truth. Until you’re willing to humble yourself and see where you need to improve, you’re not going to get to the next level. 

4- Get clear on who.

There are three who’s that you need to get clear on:

A: Who do you need to attract into your life?

Every one of us is attracting people. Are you attracting people who are contributing to your vision or people who are taking from you? Are you attracting people who want to be saved or who want to be led? 

Every day, I pray for men who I can help, because those men will also help me sharpen my EDGE. Just as iron sharpens iron, being around men who have the EDGE will help me sharpen my EDGE. I’m not looking for men who want to be saved, I want people who will help me reach the next level. I don’t want fans or followers, I want people who are willing to go to war with me. 

B: Who do you need to become?

If you want to attract the woman of your dreams, who do you need to become? If you want to attract business partners who will invest in you, who do you need to become? If you want to attract A-players to work with you, who do you need to become? Unless you are clear on who you need to become, you will always blame other people for where you are in life. 

C: Who will suffer if you don’t succeed?

For me, that is the emotional sword of Damocles that hangs over me that drives me to do everything in my power to level up. I understand that people will suffer if I don’t succeed in my mission. People who I made promises to don’t care if I’m having a bad day or any other excuses. It has to get done. Who will suffer if you don’t do the shit you say you will? 

For me, my family will suffer if I don’t level up. The people I coach will suffer. My, church and my  community will suffer. I am crystal clear that the pressure of being a leader would make most men crumble. But I welcome that pressure because it makes me stronger. If it weren’t for the pressure of who I have to level up for, I would have quit a long time ago. You have to get clear on who will suffer if you don’t succeed.

5- Make a plan and follow through.

Most men are stuck waiting for perfection. An imperfect plan that you execute is better than a perfect plan that is never implemented. If you’re waiting for the perfect moment, it’s because you’re insecure. You doubt yourself. You don’t have faith. You don’t believe in yourself. I believe in progress, not perfection. Every day, you need to build the version of yourself who is willing to take risks, pay the price, go all in, and even fail if that’s what it takes.

3 rules to execute a plan:

A: Follow through

B: Follow through

C: Follow through

Most men suck at following through. They start something, then they give up. If you follow through on your plan, you will learn.

6- Adapt, adjust, and execute daily. 

Execute the plan, see what works and what doesn’t, then adapt, adjust, and execute again. And do this every day until you see results. Don’t get caught up in your failures. Don’t get stuck on the things that didn’t work. Don’t dwell on the should haves, could’ves, but didn’ts. Keep focusing on closing the gap. That’s what will get you to the next level. Execute and learn from your mistakes. Get 1% better every day. Focus on base hits, not big swings. 

You are a man on a mission. You know who you need to become. You know who will pay the price if you don’t. You know who you need to attract into your life. And most importantly, you know that you have been called to lead. 

Learning from your failures requires unshakeable faith. Most men are stressed out because they don’t have unshakable faith; any little stumbling block can take them off course. Every man says they want to lead, but they aren’t willing to take the punches. You have to sharpen your EDGE every day to find the path. 

7- Revise the plan

Some of you are doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. You have to create innovation. Innovation is created by necessity. Necessity is created by scarcity. You need to look at what you’re doing and where you’re doing it, and bring innovation to it. Don’t be afraid to reinvent yourself.

8- Reset the game

Once you get where you want to go…reset the game. There is always a next level. You are playing the infinite game. Right now, you may not be satisfied with your life because you’re looking for the finish line. You’re looking for a goalpost to tell you when to stop, but the reality is that you never stop. The only way to lose is if you quit. 

Quitting is not an option for a man who has the EDGE. If you commit to follow through and close the gap, you won’t stop until you do. Closing the gap is a lifelong process. You will have many setbacks and missteps. You will fail. You will fuck up. But you will be an inspiration to everyone around you when you show them how it’s done.


For more insights and to connect with Raul Villacis, check out his Youtube channel and other social media platforms.

"Learn it, live it, love life." - Raul Villacis


If you're a business owner looking to find a breakthrough in life and business, click here to apply for The EDGE 100 Challenge here.

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